Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
