What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
