i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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