You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize