I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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