Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
