U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
