apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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