Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
