I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dignity is for republicans.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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