i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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