now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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