8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
