On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
