Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
