I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize