She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
