he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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