He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
