this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
