I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Naked Twister starts at high noon
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
