i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
