I accidentally had phone sex last night
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
