i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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