How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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