I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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