are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
