she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
