Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
