New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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