dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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