spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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