I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
