my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
