you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize