My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize