if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
