i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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