It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
