i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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