why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I woke up under a house in Key West
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
