so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize