My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
When did angry sex become our thing?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
