I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
