My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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