Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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