dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
a search helicopter?!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
