My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
