I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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