TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
