Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
