Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
