Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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