My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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