Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Randomize
