i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I forget how to act sober
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
