Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
