I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
