i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm just crazy horny about you
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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