she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize