Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
