He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
