He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
