man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
