Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
