sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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