foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
