Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
